Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
