you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
