It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
