you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
