He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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