The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
