Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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