just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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