Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
