dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
