dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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