Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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