I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
