Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
