my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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