thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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