Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
