What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
