Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
