How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
