hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
