Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
