a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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