I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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