Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Houston, we have a blender
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
