I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
