This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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