I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
