I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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