new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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