Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
