i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
