Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
