from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
