My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
