i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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