you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
