hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
