So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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