dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
