the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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