The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
