I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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