Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
