he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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