i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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