News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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