omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
