At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
