you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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