Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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