When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
