Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
