her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
